ForceFemmed Steve-O

[00:00:00] Need some cheering up? Yesterday Jim Jordan demanded documents from the DOJ, and the DOJ told him to fuck off.

[00:01:18] He's on fire! Bill Clinton being in a video game, that was the peak of comedy at the time. Bob Dole. All the mid-90s basketball games had like, you know, a cheat code. Right. Where you could unlock the Republicans and the Democrats and stuff. Big head mode and stuff. Big head mode. We should bring back big head mode. I would really love to see big head mode in a video game nowadays. I think the last game that I played that had it was one of the Uncharted's. That's too much.

[00:01:47] It's fun! What are you talking about? We love fun here at this show. It's 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, I'm Jason, that's Bryan. You can tell by the sound of... By the pale blue wires of North Carolina. Sloshing through us all on a daily basis. Yeah, I just keep getting this thought of Johnny Knoxville making a phone call for Steve-O to get a sex change.

[00:02:15] You've made multiple posts this week about it, and I laugh every goddamn time. I think my comment was like, force femed Steve-O. Hey, what's up? I just like the idea... We're taking Steve-O to Iowa and he's gonna give him a sex change. It's just giant, giant Knoxville just like this. Like he's just doing like... Yeah, doing that little precious face. Steve-O's got himself a big old man pussy. And Steve-O's like, hey, what's going on guys?

[00:02:44] And then he's doing like batting. Doctor says I can't put anything in my man pussy for a while. They call it dilating. Yeah. Wow, this is crazy. So when we... When's I getting my dick back? And like, he's like, he doesn't know. He doesn't know he lost his dick.

[00:03:06] See, I think that'd be a more appropriate like karmic punishment for the impractical jokers to like force fem one of those guys, you know? We're gonna put Wee Man in Steve-O's mangina. Mangina, Jesus Christ. That's right. That was a term, wasn't it? Oh, Jesus, fuck. Oh no, now Wee Man's trans. We've accidentally trans the entire Jackass cast. They're just really supportive.

[00:03:35] They've got like, you know, bags of peas for each other. Wighting each other's asses and stuff. Like they're all just taking turns shooting me into their thighs, you know, just saying. Jesus. It's time for my shot, Steve. I know. I am Johnny Knoxville and this is getting HRT in the bull ring.

[00:04:02] There's a bunch of rodeo clowns trying to give him HRT. There's an angry ass bull. I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is high T. And they have the big high five hand has needles with E in it. Oh, there's a yaoi paddle somewhere. Jesus. Yeah. He's getting the anesthesia crap. And he's like, did you go to medical school?

[00:04:28] And Chris Pine is like, no, I just did some nitrous and watched BME Pan Olympics. God. God. I can see it. That's the thing is it's so real in my mind. Oh, Lord. Oh, I can't fill a man. I can't fill a man. That's where it is. They're going to run out of bits. We're just going to make each other trans. Yeah. Yeah. Against each other's will. But then eventually this.

[00:05:00] Hi, I'm Jenny Knoxville. Aaron McKee is the first one because he's always got. None of them are going to do voice training. So they're all just going to have their voices, but also an enormous rack. It's going to be beautiful. Party boy becomes party girl. Yeah. I'm Jenny Knoxville. And this is. This is Jay Knoxville. This is what's up my skirt. Oh, God.

[00:05:29] It's just he's got like just. Oh, fuck, dude. It's that could be the whole episode. I could never be trans. No, because it would be. I don't have too many jokes. There are too many jokes. First of all, I'd be incredibly proud. Oh, yeah. I always be talking about how much this man pussy cost me. You have any idea how many hours you would have to work? Johns Hopkins. Yeah. You know, the traffic was terrible. We love it. Well, welcome to the show, everybody.

[00:06:00] As we always do at the top of the show, we have something called the What's Hot Classic. It's what's happening on the Internet this week. We'll save the biggest story for last. But first, we're going to hit you off a little something like this. This is a video I sent you, Brian. Jesus. There's somebody. I think it's Instagram. This was reposted onto Twitter, of course, but it is a gentleman. I'm assuming gentlemen. I don't know. Could be force femme Steve-O. I don't know. But reposted by at boy underscore Troy. It's a 33 second video.

[00:06:28] This is a TikTok user Benji. Various videos on Benji's feed reacting to and eating the spooky ranch. Do you know what the spooky ranch I'm talking about? You know? I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah. The spooky ranch is a new thing from Hidden Valley. It is a purple ranch dressing. I like this. Fruit juice, cocoa powder. So it's not supposed to change the flavor. It's supposed to be just like ranch that's also purple.

[00:06:57] The idea is that it's a limited edition Halloween ranch dressing. It mentions the bold black color from fruit juice and cocoa, but it doesn't say that that the changes the taste at all. Well, this user on TikTok, which was reposted by boy toy or boy Troy, excuse me, appears to be gagging at either the smell, the site or something about the spooky ranch in various videos compiled over this 30 seconds.

[00:07:24] If you do have a sensitivity to the sound of someone retching, fast forward 30 seconds in the episode. I promise you, you won't miss much. Spooky dooky ring on. Yes. Oh my gosh.

[00:08:06] And then it starts over. Yeah. Is this just the person who recorded this is flipping through the timeline? Yeah. Just scrolling through this guy's video. That's so good. I got to find the originals here. This is, this is driving me nuts. I think the first response is what the fuck is spooky ranch? Don't play with me. So here's the original video from Benji green at Benji on TikTok. It just says spooky ranch, hashtag FYP.

[00:08:34] Cause of course that's the growth hack to get on your for you page. Spooky ranch taste test. Oh my gosh. I'm like actually really scared to try this. Oh my gosh. I have no idea what it tastes like. Let's try it. Okay. Let's smell it. Wait, I'm scared. Oh my. Oh my gosh.

[00:09:03] Okay. Let's try it. Okay. I literally don't know how to try it. So I'm just going to like put my finger in it. I don't know. Okay. You don't ever actually eat it by the way. He gets close to his mouth and then puts it down and ends the video. Not gonna lie. It's an amazing bit. It is an amazing bit. Spooky dooky ranch, everybody. Spooky dooky ranch.

[00:09:34] Oh God. Yeah. I'm a fan. Oh, those spooky dooky ranch ice cubes. Oh God. No, I can't. I can't. Yeah. I got a lot going on. I got shit going on. Well, you know, going from something so good like Benji and the spooky dooky ranch to something so bad.

[00:10:02] The Guardian here with a review of Elon Musk's The Odyssey. It's a review of the seven minute episode that Elon Musk has released based on Grok AI. But of course. Okay. Can I, can I just, just for a minute, just indulge me. There is a fucking vulture article and I keep seeing this woman's face. What's her face? Ivy Wolk. Poots? No, this is Ivy Wolk. I mean, it's the same kind of name. Right.

[00:10:32] It's, it's ridiculous. I hate this. It's like someone who has chromosomes that look like an urban outfitter's gift card. It looks like she's unevolved. She just found fire. But this Ivy Wolk. The headline, the case against me. I've been canceled countless times since I started doing comedy online as a teen. It is an incredibly stupid. It was written by her. So of course it is a diary entry.

[00:10:58] None of which actually explains what's funny about her, what she supposedly did to get quote unquote canceled. Any of it. It is the most vapid thing I think I have ever read. And that says a lot considering it was published in fucking vulture, which is a subsidiary of New York magazine. Yeah. Who's the guy that wrote shop listing from American Impairable? Tao Lin. There we go. Yeah. This is very like navel gazey, like how Tao Lin was like 10 years ago. Oh yeah.

[00:11:27] And that fucking pissed me off. Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. You know, it's like my love hate relationship with alopecia by Y because it's an amazing record, but it's also a record that's about like the tragedy of having a DJ night. And like being cool. All right. So as promised. I sleep on my back cause it's good for my spine and cough in rehearsal.

[00:11:55] I do like why it's just, yeah, that record is. It's, it's, it's again, is it sarcastic? Is it sarcastic? Is he making fun of those people? Who knows? It just sounds, God, shut up. I don't know, man. These few presidents is like a fucking all timer. Well, again, it's, it's, yeah, it's the push and pull of it. Right. Like it's this really amazing record, but it's also a record of like, of like, I get free Coke because I have a DJ night at the dollar PBR thing.

[00:12:23] You know, like, I haven't had to pay for a bump in five years. What was me? Right. My life is so hot. Okay. As promised at imagine, which is grok imagines, uh, Twitter account, I guess. Watch episode one of our odyssey series made with grok imagine. Okay. So here's the little taste of it. It turns out the mad king of Ithaca isn't so mad after all.

[00:12:52] What will your people make of a king who breaks his oath and refuses to fight? Odysseus, we set sail unless you've another field to plow. They'll know of Ithaca before this is done. Careful, old friend. The gods may hear you. Just see that you bring our king home to us. You have our word, my lady.

[00:13:25] It's my queen to you, boy. This fucking, I can't, yeah, I can't, I can't do this anymore. This is, um, so this is worse than the movie of Hamlet that MST3K did. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that was black and white. Yeah. With no scenery. Yeah. At very least it had, you know, actual fucking actors. Yeah. It looks like shit. It's like, Hey, um, you remember Zack Snyder?

[00:13:55] We're going to do that, but worse. Yeah. It sucks. It's fucking terrible. Oh God. And so the guardian did a review of it. One star Elon Musk's AI odyssey, the dullest, most pointless repulsed possible to Christopher Nolan's brilliant epic. Really? That's all you need is the headline. This is Peter Bradshaw. The subhead. It is hardly a shock that Grok AI's interpretation of Homer is as meaningless as a laptop screensaver.

[00:14:20] The only surprise would be if Musk accepted defeat graciously, which he won't. He goes on in a series of wonderful tirades to eviscerate this. In Musk's version, as the tale begins, Odysseus is off screen pretending to be mad to avoid fighting in the Trojan War. Grim faced Palamedes and Agamemnon are shown testing this ruse by taking his baby boy Telemachus and placing him in harm's way of a plow in a field.

[00:14:48] Odysseus instantly rushes to save his child, showing that he isn't mad and agrees to fight. The expeditionary force arrives at Troy and an intertitle tells, we have cut to a 10 years later flash forward. The siege is about to escalate into the Trojan horse attack. As ever, the AI footage is ponderous and inert, demonstrating its familiar Uncanny Valley stock footage quality with classical age Call of Duty graphics. Okay, all right.

[00:15:16] Every single dramatic moment, Odysseus is caught in sanity and is agreeing to fight, taking leaving of his family, the hardship and adventure of the sea journey and the climactic decision is all as motiveless and meaningless as the movement of shapes on a laptop screensaver. The ships are lined up on the sea like a row of high def space invaders. Perhaps the worst thing about it is the deadly audio and digital robot voice work. Every character speaks with that even over emphatic declamatory tone. Who cares?

[00:15:46] Certainly not Musk. Yes, definitely putting the pin in that shit. I'm good. I do not need to see any more. I'm good. Well, you know who's not good? Streamer Ivesi. He was playing Ark Raiders and allegedly got beat so bad he left the room and whooped his kid's ass. Here is the... Was the kid the cheater? No! Fucking Damien, you do wall hacks?

[00:16:15] Your own father, you son of a bitch? I saw your fucking character spinning in the corner. Show me your KD. Show me your KD right now. No Bluey for a week. No. Here's the clip. It's about a minute long. The important part is at the end. Hey, hey, they're cheating. They're cheating. We out, we out, we out, we out. They're cheating. He froze me. Come on. Just go. Just leave. Just leave. I don't care. I don't care. Honestly, just dip. Just dip. They're full cheating. Full cheating.

[00:16:46] You got him? They're freezing. He's hurt, but he's up there. The other team that was up top. The team behind us. That team. That team is full cheating, bro. They're cheating. Bro, I can't fucking play right. I left him so low. I left your kid behind us.

[00:17:06] All right, bro. Oh, shit. Yeah. This is like some found footage shit. Yeah, it sounds like. This is like when the kids is like the fucking ending of Wreck.

[00:17:37] Yeah. The found footage movie. Yeah. It sounds like he took the kid in the other room. He just spanked him a bunch of times. And the kid's screaming. And the sibling's screaming, too. Now, Evasive took to Twitter to defend himself in a post that has since been deleted. I actually had this bookmarked earlier today, but it is now saying not found. No, the account no longer exists. Holy shit. He went nuclear. Evasive apology. Yeah. This guy is gone, gone. Let's see. Can we find?

[00:18:06] And someone screenshotted the apology, I'm sure. I would hope. Thankfully, someone did screenshot. Thank you. I expose streamers at expose with a Z streamers with a Z saying he posted this, then deleted his page. That video is completely out of context. Evasive says I do not and did not beat my kids. I love my kids to death with all my heart. They are perfectly healthy and happy, beautiful kids. In the video, I died to cheaters.

[00:18:32] My son was grabbing my laptop and noticed he was on stream in his diapers. I do not allow him at all to be on my streams while he is in his diaper. I took him to the living room and clapped four times so he would listen to me while I told him to sit on the couch and watch Bluey. Then I came straight back to my room. No one was beat and everything went back to normal. That video was back in August and I'm live every single day and have been live every single day since.

[00:18:59] However, as I just said, he's deleted everything. He's deleted his account, etc. A lot of people are just saying, yeah, that just confirms it. Give this guy life. Okay, all right, maybe not. But definitely not great. Now you can hear smacking sounds, crying, turning to screaming and a woman yelling stop in the background. You could go over this like this is a fruder film. The point is it got him in a lot of hot water and he's now deleted his Twitter. Apparently he is still on kick.

[00:19:27] So there's that. Oh, the thing is, at least on kick, you know, it's a free speech platform. So you can whip on your kids all you want. Right. That's fair. So this is the latest stupid AI video that I just am adoring because it's just so genuinely chaotic. At Grace Camille underscore bio. I am currently reading Infinite Jest for the sixth time. Posting chug, chug, chug, chug, freshman, freshman, do something crazy, do something crazy,

[00:19:56] keg stand, keg stand with this video of a guy shitting and then a boar attacks him. It's so fake and so bad. I can't. I don't know, man. The window breaks before the pig comes through it. I do. And then a second boar comes through. Whose horns change? Yep. As it's coming. It's just, it's ridiculous. I do like the response. What do you mean?

[00:20:26] What do you mean? I want to go to college. Why is there a camera in there? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The last thing to kind of counterbalance this, apparently Jonathan D Miller at JDM4NC, the Libertarian Party candidate for North Carolina State Senate, live tweeted his armed chase and shootout with the police.

[00:20:50] So this according to WRAL News out of North Carolina, a North Carolina Senate candidate is in custody and facing charges after hours long standoff with Kerry Police. According to the Kerry Police Department, officers were involved in a standoff that began around 8.26 a.m. at a man's home in the Lockridge Lakeside Condominiums neighborhood. Officers said the man was in custody just after 3 p.m. In the intervening time, he tweeted a lot. So it's a suburb of Raleigh.

[00:21:21] One of the first parts was the whole police department is chasing me with guns drawn. This should be fun. He was originally being questioned after he posted Sunday night, so the night before, that he intended to take his own life. And then he gave live updates when the cops showed up. So yeah, the whole police department is chasing me. He posted he has six shots and the high ground as officers closed in.

[00:21:47] This according to the NY Post, adding he hoped police wouldn't find him, but that a confrontation would be, quote, hell of a show. I fucked up and talked to the negotiator on the phone long enough for them to box me in. They have dogs, so I'm probably done for. The next post, fuck, they almost got me. They had some hostage negotiator type dude call me. While I was distracted talking with him on the phone, they were moving in around me. Luckily, I spotted one of them and took off. Fuck, that was close.

[00:22:16] I really should have brought some water. It started with, I have decided I no longer wish to live and I will be killing myself tonight. That was the first post. And then, yeah, he live tweeted his police standoff. He did call a local news station during the standoff and explained himself, quote, last night I was pretty depressed and suicidal and I sort of put a suicide note on Twitter and it's gone quite viral. I spent all night crying and angry and upset and depressed and all the emotions. And this morning I was tired, but I had things I needed to do and I didn't kill myself.

[00:22:45] So I got up and made coffee. And while I was having a cigarette, a police officer approached me, knew my name, saw that I had a holstered revolver on my hip. So he drew his weapon and told me to keep my hands away from mine. I told him I was going to refuse that order and I backed away slowly until I was far enough away from him to turn and run. And then I turned and ran into the woods. The Libertarian Party of North Carolina were, quote, aware of this situation and thanked the Cary Police Department for, quote, pursuing a solution without involving violence.

[00:23:14] A spokesperson told the Post, the party declined to comment on Miller's condition and past or future involvement. Yeah. Pretty sure the Libertarian Party is not going to ask you back after that one. No, you're going to have to really do some epiphilia. Yeah. To get back into the Libertarian. Really commit to the bid. Either that or you can just go work for Jill Stein. Actually, she has a 10,000 year old soul. Well, speaking of politics, Brian, you came to me and said, how about this week we do Bush apes?

[00:23:44] And when I started searching, what I found mostly was stuff about Australia. So I knew that couldn't have been right. And I asked for elaboration and he said, well, you know, those posts where George W. Bush looked like a monkey. I said, oh, OK. And so I began searching. But what I came across was something I was not expecting. And I was also not expecting it to still be around. So I present to you now our main story tonight.

[00:24:07] First, from english-zone.com slash members slash funny-pix slash george.html. Simpler times. George W. Bush or a monkey. And it's side by side photos of George W. Bush and various monkeys. Great. Wonderful stuff. Englishzone.com. English hyphen zone. Sorry, you're right. English hyphen zone. Kay Mastin Mallory. Copyright holder there.

[00:24:37] George W. Bush or a monkey. Yeah, not much there, huh? Yep. What I found next chilled me to the fucking bone. Do you know who Jeff Tiedrich is, Brian? I love the Nick Mullen bit. Oh, God. No. OK, hold on. There we go. Tiedrich on Tiedrich? Yeah. OK. Marty Tiedrich, the nephew. In Russia, it's a crime to teach uncomfortable subjects.

[00:25:05] In Republican states, it's a crime to teach uncomfortable subjects. Any fucking questions? I'll tell you something else. Ashley Babbitt should have complied. Isn't that what you dipshits tell me? Every time the cops shoot some black woman to sleep at home in her own bed? Let me ask you something. What kind of shithole country lets a tiny minority extremist fuck everything to hell

[00:25:34] for the rest of us? It's Thanksgiving weekend, and Barack Obama is volunteering at a soup kitchen. Donald Trump? He's dining with Nazis. Any fucking questions? Pro tip, if you vote for a clown, don't be so shocked when you end up living in a fucking circle. Tiedrich was the one that started the whole, like, pissing shit gibbon. Yeah. The Mr. Too Damn Chris.

[00:25:59] If you're not familiar with the man, Jeff Tiedrich started on Twitter in 2008. This, according to the odysseyonline.com's article, is Jeff Tiedrich real? If you've spent any time at all worth doing anything on Twitter, you've seen the name Jeff Tiedrich. The elusive Twitter mogul got his start on Twitter in August of 2008, possibly motivated by the recent economic downturn and rising political climate of the late 2000s.

[00:26:24] On June 15th, 2018, Jeff logged off and logged back in under a new at, at It's Jeff Tiedrich. Since then, Jeff has amassed an impressive 397,000 followers. This is most likely due to the quality of his tweets, ranging from brilliant, such as the Sir This Is A Wendy's, and the extraordinary Yo Mama gate. It's not hard to see how he acquired such a strong following.

[00:26:49] What is most impressive is not only his dedication to tweeting brutal insults and debilitating replies, but his far-reaching social media sphere of influence. Not only are his followers on Twitter observers of the carnage, but so are his fans on Facebook and Instagram. Tiedrich has dedicated himself to posting screenshots of a large majority of his tweets to other social media programs, creating a dominating presence for all to see. But who is Jeff, really?

[00:27:16] So if you're not familiar, this is kind of a sarcastic article, kind of putting Jeff on blast. He's what you would think of as the kind of feisty, Gen X, blue no matter who, normie shit lib poster. And his whole deal is dunking on Trump. Oh boy, does he love to dunk on Trump.

[00:27:41] Now, I bring him up in context because I only recently found out that a website that I thought was total hot garbage turns out to be associated with Jeff Tiedrich. JeffTiedrich.com is a website that exists. He lists himself as a designer, musician, curmudgeon, loudmouth, celebrity death haikuist, and formerly famous on the internet. I feel like that last one's a stretch. Yep.

[00:28:09] You can't be formally if you never were. Oh. Any fucking questions? Oh. He does have a design website, Tiedrich Design Group. Flame posts are my passion. I threw him into a slow-moving PHP script. That's right. So this here lists his various websites that he designed from the early days of the internet onto the mid-2000s.

[00:28:38] New York University's School of Medicine's University Committee on Activities Involving Human Subjects. He designed that website. The Carnegie Corporation of New York. Kind of sucks. May Apple Press. Website also kind of sucks. Roz Corral, jazz vocalist. He did some post-production work on a reference guide for IBM's Personal System 2. showing you how long he's been around. PS2. PS2 it. I'm just clicking through all these.

[00:29:07] The American Lung Association Tuberculosis Education Resource Guide. You know, that helped design that. Working for Fairchild Publications and Supermarket News. So a graphic designer by trade. He also has a band called Alligator. Alligatorband.com. And yes, they look exactly how you think they look. Jeff Tiedrich up front and on the left. Like a really bad knockoff of Eric Clapton. I was just going to say, like...

[00:29:36] Every time I see his profile picture, I'm like, why is Eric Clapton clapping back at the United States President? Here, upcoming gigs. Let me see. 2011 is their last gigs. I thought it was a Timmy's Tavern. Tyranny's Tavern. Montclair, New Jersey. Two long sets from 9pm and a 1.30am set. You know he went wild on that 1.30am set. That's when the sativa really hit. $5 cover. This is the one that really threw me, though. The Smirking Chimp.

[00:30:05] My political website. TheSmirkingChimp.com. Ask not at whom the chimp smirks. He smirks at you. Oh! Yeah. The cover photo is George W. Bush and a chimp spliced together in a side-by-side photo. One of the first things I noticed that they do have the Chimpogram postcards on the website. All right. It's a series of e-cards, I guess.

[00:30:34] You've got George W. Bush's head photoshopped on a chimp's body, and he's reading the book Darwin, Origin of Species. Bush and Cheney as Beavis and Butthead. A terrible Photoshop job there. The seal of the United States. Seal of the President of the United States. The seal of the un-president. You've got George W. Bush photoshopped with cocaine around his nose, and it's just saying no. Then there's George W. Bush making an old face, and a monkey on the other side of him, and it says,

[00:31:04] separated at birth? Question mark. And a photoshopped cover of the 5 million Elvis fans can't be wrong cover, but with Al Gore's face on Elvis's body. Oh, yeah. And it says 539,947 Al Gore voters can't be wrong. Mmm! Ooh, it hurts. Mm-hmm. There's no dying for Bush's oil profits, though. No. One of my favorite Twitter accounts is like the Bush-era anti-war memes, and it's like, you know, dying for Bush's oil reserve.

[00:31:34] My favorite is always still going to be George Bush, like, sticking the straw onto the plant and going, oil will have some of that. There's the classic Alex Ross-style one where he's the vampire sucking the blood of the Statue of Liberty. So I'm going to tell you a story about that poster. Yeah. I worked with a guy at Guitar Center. He had a band, a really very okay industrial band called, I kid you fucking not, Murder Happens. Oh, I know that band. Yeah. They had a couple good songs.

[00:32:03] Pretty decent, yeah. A couple good shows of theirs I've seen. But there was, it was 666. Mm-hmm. So June 6, 2006. Because his band was all satanic and industrial. They were going to play a show. I think it was at the Creepy Crawl. And they used that for their poster art. And I happened to be, like, filling in for someone that was, like, the door guy who was, like, getting lunch or something. And there were, like, these two fucking, like, dirty-mouthed kids from, like, St. Charles,

[00:32:33] like, fighting over who got to take the poster. Jesus. The guy I worked with who was in that band thought that was, like, the coolest fucking thing. Dude, they were fighting over the fucking poster, bro. Yeah. But yeah, the smirking chimp. St. Charles, started as a blog in dishonor of the worst president in U.S. history, 2001 to 2009. It did feature articles by such noteworthy journalists as Sherwood Ross, Russ Baker, Alice Morgan, Dave Lindorf, Korbesh Zabari.

[00:33:02] I don't know any of these fucking names. Among others, this is ProQuest giving us this. A large cast of contributors provides the major blog and news portion of the website. But readers, if they register a username on the site, can create their own threads, post upcoming events, and even take reader polls. The homepage is a little cluttered. Yeah. The title of the blog and the picture on the homepage of a purse-lipped, brow-wrinkled George W. Bush with the words, Return to Sender, stamped over his forehead,

[00:33:29] speaks to the general liberal position of the smoking chimp. I keep wanting to say the smoking chimp. It's the smirking chimp. It's the smoking chimp you're thinking because of the amazing Simpsons bit. Yes, I am. Thank you. He does have a substack, by the way, Jeff Tiedrich. Holy shit. Where he has, according to this planetofthepal.com article, 54,000 subscribers. Jesus. Right?

[00:33:56] And a Patreon worth $255 a month. His headline image is... Can I do it? Please. A five-time draft dodger who can't even be bothered to mumble his way through. God bless America. Is currently lying in his pockets with laundered Russian mob buddy. But please, tell me one more time how it's the people who oppose this fluorescent tangerine gas bag

[00:34:25] who aren't patriotic. So it does look like since that 2023 Planet of the Paul article, Jeff's Patreon has taken a bit of a hit. He's down to 30 paid members, $104 a month, with only three posts. That's crazy. Excuse me. 48 minutes of dogs barking. Hundreds of posts. Okay? Only five paid members. And we love every one of them. Yes. Poo in the alleyway.

[00:34:55] They're our children, and we love them. Vivek. Poo in an alleyway. Kenny. We love you all so very much. Super fan Kenny. My point is, Jeff Tiedrich could be mistaken for a bit of a grifter. A bit. A bit. A bit. A bit. And I feel like for what he is doing, there's much more of an audience for that on Substack than I would say Patreon.

[00:35:24] Because scroll up there. Yeah. That happy fourth birthday post, that's got almost 2,900 likes. Mm-hmm. 345 reposts. Shares or reposts, yeah. 557 comments. I know that's like an anniversary thing. That's probably going to get a little bit more emotion and other things. But I'm sure he's doing okay. Oh, I'm sure he's doing fine. And he seems to at least be updating the Substack regularly. He did say his wife died.

[00:35:54] Well, that sucks. Back in February. Like, I'm not going to make fun of that. Yeah. How long were they together? 46 years? 46 years, yeah. I mean. Goddamn, dude. Yeah, man. Like, sorry. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. He's not doing that good is all I was getting at. He's like the demonious ex of Twitter blowhards. Yeah. I'm going to stop making fun of conservatives, but not Putin.

[00:36:24] There you go. So my whole point in bringing up Jeff at all was to bring in the smirking chimp thing. The smirking chimp website has been around since December of 2000. That's crazy. He owns and edits the website still to this day alongside a group of passionate volunteers and some other folks. Now, this is media bias fact check dot com.

[00:36:52] So according to smirking chimp, there are news and commentary from the vast left wing conspiracy updated daily since December 2000. It says most stories strongly favor the left, such as if anti-vaxxers are really committed, they should stop seeking medical care written by Joan McCarter. However, this is a 2021 repost from the Daily Kos. A smirking chimp. Uh-huh.

[00:37:21] Oh, well, that's what you believe. Mm-hmm. Oh. So. Someone still believes it's pee. Right. Exactly. I've tasted the waters of a woman. It is not urine. Exactly.

[00:37:34] But I think you'll find it interesting the amount, the amount of people that are on Sirius XM's Progress Radio, which is where all the milk toast sort of lefty, not quite leftist kind of people go. For example, Tom Hartman from the Hartman Report. Greg Pallast writing here. We've got Heather Digby Parton. That's right. From the original Digby blog. Jesus.

[00:38:04] This is courtesy of Salon. Robert Reich is here. Hannah Fried. All the people who used to say, I don't even owe a television at cocktail parties in the 90s. They're all here, folks. Yeah. Harvey Wasserman. Jesus. Jeff himself. The Daily Chimp for yesterday, Tuesday, the 27th of October. And all it is is a compilation of the 25 most recent front page posts. Again, Tom Hartman, Amanda Marcotte.

[00:38:33] So he's not even, he's not even, it's just not even the same level of the Daily Rotten. No. RIP Daily Rotten, by the way. Yeah, for sure. Used to fucking, that was my jam. I miss like the real fucking heady, like news of the weird. Mm-hmm. Aggregate sites. Yeah. Well, I mean, Fark still tries at very least. Yeah. Well, the thing about Rotten, Daily Rotten was that there was always like a really snarky commentary. It was definitely like, any single time it was something with piss.

[00:39:04] Yeah. It was always like, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But man, the fact that Jeff, despite his actual posting or not, is still involved in this website founded 26 years ago. He's got the sub stack. Mm-hmm. And the Patreon. And the tweeting. And the band. Actually, I'm sorry, Alligator has not played a show since 2011. Or at least the website has not. You know. That's fair.

[00:39:30] I guess when I see stuff like that where it stopped posting in 2011, it's like, oh, they got a Facebook page. That's true. That's a fair point. But he's still active on the site. He's still doing things. Yeah, but news and commentary from the vast left-wing conspiracy. Let's see if we recognize any more names. Let's see. Laura Flanders. Tom Engelhardt. Some of these names, for those of you who may have been active in the political blogosphere of the early 2000s, will.

[00:40:00] This definitely feels like people that, like, Felix Bierman has probably told to, like, kill themselves. Oh, probably more than once. Like, on, like, on, like, a CNET comment thread, like, in 2008. Jeff and Connie Peck. Bill Berkowitz. My God. Marjorie Cohn? Oh. Yeah. Has Trump sabotaged the ICC?

[00:40:22] But what you'll notice as you go through the modern Smirking Chimp is that these are not posts original to the site. They're actually reposts from, for example, truthout.org or from the Daily Kos or things like that. So these are professional writers simply reposting their posts to the Smirking Chimp so that longtime loyal Smirking Chimp readers can read them. They call themselves Chimpers. Chimp.

[00:40:52] Jesus Christ. I know it's not racist, but it sounds racist. Yeah. There was only two episodes of their short-lived podcast, Chimp Out. Chimp Out. Jeff Tiedrichs. Or commonly flee a foot. Just take stuff from fucking Ron Paul's racist newsletter. Jeff Tiedrichs have more fast-twitch muscle fiber.

[00:41:21] Christ. Now I have a mental image of Jeff Tiedrich doing... Jeff Tiedrich? Hell yeah. No, Jeff... Oh, he's like... He's like liberals drive like this. Wearing a dashiki... Centrist drive like this. Jeff Tiedrich is a hotep? Hotep Jeff Tiedrich? He's like...

[00:41:52] Where he's got the beard without the mustache. Yep. He calls women females. That's right. Actually incredibly good at cooking. Very good. The work potlucks. Insane. Always gotta try Jeff's fucking jambalaya. Oh, yeah. Anytime he brought in some seared chicken one time. Black pepper crusted. Mm-hmm. You know, that shit. Amazing. Phenomenal. Just don't ask him about if he thinks women should vote. Right. Very different. Very different thing.

[00:42:20] He basically has an apothecary in his apartment. He knows how to take care of everything without a pill. He's got three kids and he takes... He's active in their life. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But he tells you some stories about his ex-wife and you're liable to believe him. At first. And then you meet her. No, no. You meet her and you go, oh, fuck, man. He was telling the truth. Oh. Because he tells you about how, like, listen, man, I took him back to school shopping. We went out to the outlet mall. I got him some lucky jeans. Mm-hmm. You know, and they go back to their moms.

[00:42:49] And she's like, oh, you got lucky jeans money? Oh, so now she wants to go talk to the judge about getting that child support on. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it's like... No, that was a one-time thing for my kids. What are you talking about? Yeah, this isn't for you. This is... I took care of my children. Right. So T-Jerk's going to family court to get custody. And you're kind of fucking rooting for them. Like, they're going to have some fucking weird politics. But they're a good dude.

[00:43:19] He's all right, man. You know, he got that new truck. And he's just... You know, he started dating that girl in accounting. And they seem really good for each other. And what do you... Sometimes, you know, sometimes he just says some weird shit about what a woman's place is. Right. I'm like, okay. Jeff T-Jerk talking about how he went up to go visit some of his dudes he went to college with. He played D1 basketball with. And he's like, yeah, man, we fucking... We're hanging out on the South Side with some old school dudes, some hunks. And we were drinking something that...

[00:43:48] They call it an incredible hunk. Yeah. Which is... What is that? Hypnotic? And... What is that shit? It's hypnotic and... If I'm really going to go with Henny anything, it's going to be Hennessy and champagne. I thought I tried that. Which, as Tupac called it, was Thug's Passion. Is it tasty? Oh, it's delightful. Might have to do that sometime. Might have to get... Might have to just get fucked up on a random recording night. I'm sorry. I got it fucked up. It's Alizé and Cristal.

[00:44:17] Cristal being the champagne, but Alizé is... It wasn't Hennessy. Alizé. Excuse me. I'm not familiar with Alizé. Which is a liqueur. Oh, okay. So it's like a... It's like an amaretto. But it's a passion fruit flavor liqueur. And yeah, that was tasty. Alizé and champagne. Alizé and vodka, even. Because I got that from a Lil' Kim song. Worked with an unk-ass hotep who taught me all kinds of old school drinking shit about back in the day. Ripple? Not Ripple.

[00:44:47] I asked him if he knew about Ripple, and he was like, man, I'm not that fucking old. But he, for my birthday... I'm just going to tell a little story about my favorite hotep co-worker. For my birthday, he got me a fucking six-pack of Zima. Hell yeah. Let's go. And a package of Jolly Ranchers. There you go. That's how you know. And he was like, this is how we used to do it back in the day. Damn right. Yes, we did. Yes, we did. God. I'm just going to tell this story. Go ahead, man.

[00:45:16] So, this was a job where, for Christmas, everyone got each other alcohol. Like, the fucking rob your neighbor at the Christmas party was just like, everyone passed her. It was basically everyone just exchanging bottles of Grey Goose. Fuck yeah. Let's go. And I got stuck with a poker set. I was very upset. Yeah, when everyone was getting like $40 bottles of alcohol and shit, and I'm like, oh yeah, I'll play... I'm just... Fuck do I need this for? I was like the one guy in that whole entire operation that was like, this is not appealing to me.

[00:45:46] This is actually a really great gift for a rob your neighbor for everyone but... For someone else. There was a guy who worked with us. His name was Al. And Al sucked. But he was a young guy. Kind of coddled. Ah, yes. Yes. I know the one very well. Yeah. There was actually one time me and the unk were like running circles around Al. There was one point he was trying to go from point A to point B. He couldn't get there because we were zipping. At one time, we were talking about drinking. Okay.

[00:46:16] And Al was like, what's Mad Dog? Oh shit, son. Come on. So I got soju for one of the girls in the office that I was real friendly with. I got Chardonnay for the unk because he was old. Damn right. And he used to get really upset. Don't tell everyone I like Chardonnay. I'm like, you like what you like. Damn right. But for Al, I went to the liquor store I used to go to when I lived in North County. And this was one of those places where I would go in there like on a Friday night and I'd grab a little something, something like a foyer or whatever.

[00:46:46] And the guy working behind the counter one time, I just hear a bunch of gunshots coming off his laptop. Okay. And I'm like, what's up with that? What's up with that? And he's like, oh, boss, my cousin, he just got married. Oh, all right. All right. I'm like, hell yeah, dude. I'm like, that fucking rules. And he's like, yeah, I wish I was there, you know? Like, I like to shoot the gun. Hell yeah. I'm like, who doesn't? Yeah. Yeah, fucking.

[00:47:15] But I went to that liquor store and I knew I had grown out of that part of North County-ness. Everyone in that liquor store looked at me like, what the fuck's that guy doing in here? Oh. And then I went and I bought the red banana. Okay. Yes. That's my stuff. That's the first one. The Orange Jubilee is good to me. Yeah. I'm an Orange Jubilee guy, but the red banana ought to be your first. Yes.

[00:47:40] And I gave that shit to him in the fucking brown paper bag and just wrote for Al on it. Hell yeah. I gave it to him the day before Christmas. Al would get like real fucking sniffy sometimes. And Unc would be like, Al, you drink that mad dog? And what did Al say? No. No. We're like, you gonna drink that mad dog? Damn right you should. I told him, Al, that mad dog's gonna make a new man out of you and he'll want some too. And he was like terrified. I think we scared this guy.

[00:48:10] Yeah. And having the mad dog. And then one day he's like, I took the mad dog out to go hang out with some friends by the river. Hell yeah. I'm like. Perfect. I'm like, that's how you're supposed to do it. He's like, but I didn't have any because my friend's mean older sister took it and drank like most of it. And I'm like, first of all, I think it's kind of funny that you're like in your early twenties and you still think about a friend having a mean older sister. Yeah. There's that. Let's start there. Let's unpack that.

[00:48:41] Hang on. But he didn't even, I mean, it didn't turn into like, Al, you keep fucking up. I'm going to drink the rest of your mad dog. And he's like, oh. No. He sucked. Yeah. He sucked in the sense of like, kids, you just don't have the life experience to understand what you're dealing with in this situation. And it really sucks because it's holding you back. Yeah. And like holding you back, I think from being like a decent, likable person.

[00:49:08] And that sucks because I just can't like fucking flip a switch and have you be like a six out of 10 decent dude. Damn. If that could happen. Jesus. I would love that. Yeah. There's plenty of dudes that I know. Just could you please flip the solid dude? Could you please drink the fucking mad dog? Drink the fucking. Jesus Christ. Smirkingchimp.com, right? Smirkingchimp.com. Get us back on track. Jeff T. Drink. Jeff T. Drink can't drink. I know.

[00:49:36] This is a snapshot of the website as it appeared back in April of 2001. Pre 9-11. And it looks pretty much like it does today, minus some small design changes. Some formatting stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Same idea, right? We're reposting the Seattle Post Intelligencer. We are reposting some stuff from New York Times. Not a lot of original content on the site, except for the blogs and the forums, you see.

[00:50:06] In the FAQ, nothing here. Love that. The top 10 as of 2001. Update version of Mark H. Levine's Q&A. Yeah. Format analysis of Supreme Court decision. Yeah. The Gore exception. This is talking about the 2000 election where the Brooks Brothers riot. Remember this? Mm-hmm. President Al Gore was denied. The Layman's Guide to the Supreme Court decision in Bush v. Gore.

[00:50:36] And it's very Web 1.0. It's very, sometimes hard to read, frankly. But it is also a loving snapshot of what political websites were at the time. There's a guy who goes by the name of Jamie O'Neill, who wrote for the LAProgressive.com Back in 2017. I used to write a blog for a progressive website, big quotes, progressive website known as the Smirking Chimp.

[00:51:03] I put the word progressive in quotes because so many progressives who began turning up there were people capable of getting pretty damn nasty and personal toward any blogger who didn't recite their idea of the catechism precisely as they understood it. Though many of the writers who contributed to that site were much better known than I am, my pieces were almost always read by more people than most anyone else who blogged there. Gonna need a citation on that there, boss.

[00:51:32] But the volume and viciousness of the hate mail I received from a handful of regulars grew in intensity until I was finally prompted to write a direct reply to these progressives, big quotes, who had begun to include my family in their hate screeds. Jeff Tiedrich, the guy who runs the site, refused to run my retort. So quite naturally, I refused to give him free copy.

[00:51:57] Aside from the personal nastiness, the unpaid reward of being an undefended target for people I might have thought were united in opposition to the right just seemed like a waste of energies that could better be directed elsewhere. So my regular appearances at the chimp ceased a little over a year ago, a few days ago in 2017. So Trump won era. Mr. Tiedrich contacted me with a proposition.

[00:52:25] If I would return to the fold, he would run, my long withheld reply to the people who had been attacking me so personally. He hadn't run it because he thought the infighting was damaging his sight. I thought so too, though I found it rather disingenuous that he allowed so much hate to come my way on such personal terms, but only seemed to get concerned when I attempted to directly answer those who were assailing me with such neurotic and obsessive personal nastiness.

[00:52:53] I suspect he feared that sustaining donations from them might dry up, an ever-present fear for those who exist on social media only by regularly rattling the cup while the organ grinder tries to keep the monkeys on a leash. Nevertheless, I agreed to his entreaty and his offer to run my old retort as a way of rejoining the monkeys. I wrote a piece I intended as my initial re-entry to the chimp cage, with the expectation of writing many more to follow.

[00:53:19] He had told me he would post an announcement of my return on the website on Monday of this week, along with an old piece from last year, but he changed his mind, backing out of the proposition that he himself had proposed. That left me with the piece below, a piece I'd written saying something I'd wanted to say about the interscene war between progressives, our tendencies who squabble with one another while the house we share is on fire, focusing our energies on doctrinal nitpicking while the right-wingers were pillaging the place.

[00:53:48] The left has a long tradition of doing this. He goes on about George Orwell. I'm sorry. And although the vision... Oh, I'm going to use my beavis voice here. And although the divisions among the right-wingers in here are now beginning to show up rather dramatically, and the handy hordes have always remained pretty tight. Or have the lim... I can't keep... Yeah, as have the limbaugh lizards. The Alex Jones jerks, the bright bark baboons, and the Trump troglodytes,

[00:54:16] that base of the plurible so aptly called out by Hillary Clinton last year. The lefties, by contrast, can't even agree on where the whole post-election wakes for disasters we help create time and time again. It's self-serving. It's congratulatory. A lot of Tiedrich and his ilk still post there, and they're posting the same shit that they've posted since 2017. The Republicans? Yeah. Bill Maher, new rule, the Republicans shit. It bothers me.

[00:54:45] But it's still going. Thesmirkingchimp.com. You can go there today and see this very Jamie O'Neill piece. You can get your smirkingchimp cock ring. You're darn right you can. Let's see. Actually, there is the... And yes, they still call their latest news thing Chimp Wire. I love that. They are on Twitter still. At Smirking Chimp.

[00:55:05] It's a lot of milk toast, blue no matter who, right of center, normulib, shitlib stuff. And it has been for 26 years. Not much has changed. Jeff Tiedrich, thesmirkingchimp.com. Dot com.

[00:55:27] Well, I guess that means it's time for us to tell people where to find us on Al Gore's very own internet, Brian. New rule. If you want to find me on the internet. Good luck, dipshits. Yeah. www.unc.maddog2020.net.hotep.org. Yeah, we couldn't get the .net. Sorry, guys. Yeah, the .net goes to some basketball team. Yeah.

[00:55:57] And like Latvia. God. Latvian guys running around. I always realize that like if I really fuck up my life here in this country, I'm always thinking like I have enough things I can sell to get a plane ticket to Dagestan. Okay. So I can just like fucking sell a corner and blast cigarettes all day. Okay. And tell kids stop fucking walking like that. Okay. See, I was thinking Porto, like Portugal. You know, you go to Porto.

[00:56:27] So, you know, you speak a little Spanish for them. And then they'll look at you like. I'll tell them my dad was the first white boy with most shit. I'm cool, man. My dad was the first white boy with most shit. And then they'll get you like, hey, all right, all right, all right. So if you want to find me on the internet and tell me about your favorite bum wine, you can find me on Twitter and Blue Sky at iShotGadyBoer. I-S-H-O-T-G-U-Y-D-B-O-R-D.

[00:56:56] You can check me out on Instagram, Substack, YouTube. Yeah. At A Music Photographer. If you want to check out my well-curied collection of foes of people with their mouths open, you can go over to the asshole. MusicPhotographer.com. If you want to check out the last and only good media website left in the screwy St. Louis. In Mound City itself, you can head over to theartsstl.com.

[00:57:27] Jason, where can they tell you about their first time dying with Thunderbird? Oh, boy. I want to hear it. You can find me on Twitter, Blue Sky, various other places as Videocrime, V-I-D-E-O-C-R-I-M-E. If there's a videocrime, chances are that's me. Because who the fuck else is going to name themselves after a tin machine song for fuck's sake?

[00:57:50] You can find me as part of another podcast that's not this one called Submitted for the Approval of the Midnight Pals. That's a mashup of Are You Afraid of the Dark? And the classic horror writers. There, I play a fictionalized version of horror icon Stephen King. All bless up, St. Stephen. You can find both seasons of that show at midnight-pals.simplecast.com. Or anywhere podcasts are sold.

[00:58:18] Just search the words Midnight Pals. You can contact this show in a number of ways. My personal favorite is, of course, the telephone. I love to talk, folks. That's 314-246-9766. 314 Ahoy Poo, if you like to spell it with your telephone. Leave us a voicemail. Send us a text. Whatever it is that you feel like doing, please let us know. If you don't feel like doing either of those things, that's fine. I'm not your dad. But I am going to ask you to email us.

[00:58:49] Jason at the number four of the number eight minutes of dogs barking dot com. Brian with a Y at the number four of the number eight minutes of dogs barking dot com. Shoot us an email. Let us know what you thought of the show. Smirking chimp and all. What kind of hotep are you? What was your first experience with Mad Dog 2020, etc.? And do you think you clean better after you smoke meth? It's a good question. We'll leave it up to the listeners.

[00:59:17] I never could have stripped all of this copper wire out of this abestus filled derelict public school without the help of meth. Yeah, you never know. Meth, it's how I got to work. Yeah. Definitely worked with at least one person that that was probably their mindset. Oh, sure. If it wasn't for meth, I wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for Patreon, we wouldn't be here. Patreon dot com slash four eight minutes of dogs. Keep us in beer money. Keep us in Mad Dog money. Whatever it is that you choose to use. Do that thing.

[00:59:47] Patreon dot com slash four eight minutes of dogs. Plenty of bonus content for you. An extra episode every week called Thanks. I hate it. We talk about movies. We talk about all sorts of other shit. We complain about things. You love to hear people complaining, folks. It's all there for you. Patreon dot com slash four eight minutes of dogs. Well, that about does it for the program. Once again, I'm Jason. That's Brian. And we're going to leave you with the following thoughts. First, namaste. Good luck.

[01:00:17] Second. Is it 25th Amendment now? 25th Amendment now. Third. Give mommy a good guff, fuck you. Thank you. Fourth. Who ate all the pussy? Oh, who ate all the pussy, guys? That's right. And finally. Eat the knife. That's it.