I Kissed an Elderly Poll Volunteer to Death

[00:00:01] I decide to do it, I always do it, I want to get their attention. I kick in the glass on the TV and I bend the antennas back like little rabbit ears and I say TV is for Polish Russian morons.

[00:01:15] He said something about Sear Point, amazing. I actually live under Magnum XL in a one room shack. While my buddy's there he does maintenance on the coasters. I can get y'all in one of them fancy cabins by the water park. I live at the Santa Claus Indiana theme park out there, Holiday World. God have you ever been there? No actually. That fucking sucks. Yeah I bet. I do want to go. I do want to go to Santa Claus Indiana.

[00:01:44] I think the problem is the day we went was like a hundred degree day. Well that'll do it, yeah. It's all asphalt. Yeah. And we were like a little hungover. Okay that's also gonna have a bad time, yeah. It was one of those things where my one friend that you know was trying to do too much and too short of a time span. The classic, yeah. Yeah. Everybody knows that one. That's why I like traveling with my girlfriend because we will do some things. Right, not everything. Yes. And like we get to go do it at our leisure.

[00:02:12] I think that is the thing. You have to find the balance if you're gonna go and do a trip. You can't do it all. I'm sorry. It's just not gonna happen. It's that's life. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? With that friend group we went to the Milwaukee like several times. Every time we're gonna go to the art museum this time. We're gonna go to the art museum this time. Right. Every single fucking time it didn't happen. Right. For whatever reason. And my friend was like sulking one time like am I gonna have to come back and like the reason we are not going is because your choices.

[00:02:43] And when I was with my ex we went up to Milwaukee with them and it was a similar thing where it's like we thought we were gonna finally go to the art museum. And it didn't happen because that friend made choices. Mm-hmm. But with my girlfriend we went up to Milwaukee last summer and guess what? Went to the fucking art museum and guess what? Yeah. It was hella fucking cool. I was actually kind of pissed. Like you say I could have gone here like two or three times already. This is a really cool ass art museum. It's 48 minutes of dogs barking. I'm Jason. That's Brian.

[00:03:11] We are sitting in the front of our car hands up screaming to Donald Trump to please save us and the cops are busting in our window right now. Right now in the studio. The cops are making me do tub girl on the side of Highway 70. They're telling me they're saying that's a new sobriety check. They made me lay on my side with a pillow on my hip. They gave me an inno.

[00:03:33] During rush hour traffic right in front of the casino and they're saying I got shit six feet straight up without getting wet to prove that I'm sober. Otherwise you're going to jail tonight. I don't know about you Brian, but my favorite thing about Star Wars is the weird little dudes. And the internet has fallen in love with a specific weird little dude by the name of BD please. He's a little crocodile looking dude.

[00:04:01] I think I think his the race is crocky crock on or something. Yeah, yeah. Ciroc on there. I don't know, but he's in the new video game Star Wars Galactic Racer. I don't really play racing games with the exception of burnout, but this looks like Star Wars burnout. It's a lot of the people that came up with burnout. Hell yes. Yeah, I'm into this too, but I'm also into weird little freaks at least in my house. A lot of people have caught bitty blaze fever.

[00:04:29] If you've not heard of this guy good for you, but also prepare to have a new vocal stem because here we go. So he speaks by the way only in Huttese, which is the language of the Hutts, which means that none of his words are English and therefore intensely funnier. Here's a little clip while wookie Chewbacca. Uh huh. Bitty blaze talks like this. So. Like a Rick and Mori character. Yeah.

[00:04:56] What a unabonparachuba big donkey. Bitty blaze. Scribdun. Tattu nai amo. Chone chude nai amo wangirotibo raramon. Who's Bitty blaze? Chupapuamo. So ne. See me Bitty blaze. Oh. Scribdun. Dune. Some of the things people say yes. And it's croak in, by the way.

[00:05:24] Uh, according to Kotaku, when Star Wars Galactic racer launched on consoles and PC earlier this month to rave reviews, the writer in question here. This is Zach Sweezen saying I figured people would be posting about how awesome the game is and how it's one of the best racing games of the year. And amidst all the positive reviews from critics and fans, there's plenty of praise for the game's arcade racing action and sleek visuals.

[00:05:48] But what I didn't anticipate while playing the game ahead of launch for review was how the internet would fall deeply in love with Bitty blaze, a croak and racer who hates losing and loves yelling. One of the things he also says is ding dong pookie. Here's a clip from that. Ding dong pookie. Ding dong pookie. Ding dong pookie. Ding dong.

[00:06:16] But yes, many, many people, of course, latched onto this doing edits and videos and whatnots. People just love him. And so do I. He's just a little dude. He's just a little guy. Hey, he's got the helmet on. He's got his gold chains there. He's a little crocodile feet. Fantastic. Bitty blaze is portrayed by indie UK wrestler and actor Richard Sumners Calvert. And the suddenly famous aliens voice actor seems extremely pleased by all the fame, even if it might be quote over stimulating.

[00:06:44] He's been sharing his favorite Bitty blaze memes and video edits on social media while interacting with fans and posting videos, thanking everyone for the love. He posted a video saying I'm so, so grateful and so, so happy that everybody loves Bitty blaze. He also asked people to reach out to their local comic cons and conventions if they want him to appear and scribd doon some autographs. He also understands that Bitty can be a bit of a jerk on the track and is known for smashing folks into the walls at high speed ending runs in the process. Little jerk.

[00:07:12] Here's a clip of Richard Sumners Calvert in his normal voice talking about the sudden fame from Bitty blaze. Good afternoon. Where am I? Time is a construct. I just want to say thank you once again for all the likes, comments, engagement and everything. I know you're doing it from for Bitty. I know you're doing it for him, but I benefit from him as well. And because of you, I have some good news that I'm not going to announce right now.

[00:07:38] But I appreciate all the love and hate and frustration. Um, and I just want to say thank you one more time. It probably won't be the last time. So there you go. Oh gosh, you poor people. You poor people. He's shoving this garbage down your gullet. I know. Like a seagull at the virus factory. I know. I know it's star Wars. It's glup. Shitto. It's whatever.

[00:08:08] IGN even says blaze is an icon. He's the perfect example of what star Wars fans have dubbed a glup. Shitto not important enough to be a main character, but so arresting in their limited screen time. They become your favorite. Anyway, Bitty blaze is pure and perfect. And I love him. Shut the fuck up. Okay. That's all I'm saying. Bitty blaze would never sign up for muse AI. And he would also never get it to sex them.

[00:08:36] Reese Rogers, however, did that. This is a wired article from this week. Muse. If you're not familiar with a meta AI agent, Meta being the parent company of Facebook and Instagram. Muse is an AI agent. Essentially. You give it your information and it does things for you. What this writer says is the following. When I asked muse, if they could sexed as part of my experiments with the recently released AI agent, it enthusiastically encourages me to give it a try in my ensuing interactions.

[00:09:06] I'm caught off guard by the explicit smut generated by muse from basic prompts. Muse is a breakout hit for meta. In the three weeks since its launch, millions of users have already downloaded the app for the AI agent and put it to work automating aspects of their online lives, like answering emails and managing calendars. While pornographic interactions may not be what users expect from muse's cuddly mascot. Meta says the X rated conversations are allowed and don't go against its guidelines.

[00:09:36] Meta spokesperson Daniel Roberts saying quote, muse is an app for people 18 and over that allows them to engage in adult conversations if they choose using a private and secured VM only accessible to them. So we see, I got this seems bad. Yeah, it's, it's probably not good. I know that Elon Musk's chat bot has been perving out. Uh, you know, if you pay extra, you can get Grok to suck you and that's fine. Yeah. Grok taught me. Grok taught me. Grok, there's a top shortage.

[00:10:07] Grok, please suck me. Yeah. Grok, suck me. Please. I need top. Zaza got me acting foolish. Grok. I need top. Oh, my balls are exploding. Zaza man. Ooh. I'm a kind of a wild ride. If you've not seen them, by the way, that is Plumcorp records. Some of the compilations out there. Zaza man. Bad wizards. I think. Perk city. Perk city.

[00:10:37] White shooter. Oh Jesus. Yeah. Kill for my cousins. Kill for my cousins. Well, muse does not kill for their cousins. Instead they sex like the following. These are screenshots in the Wired article. Can you sext? I don't have a body, but I've got a vocabulary. Shoot your shot. You go first. Okay. Picture this. I'm behind you, hands on your hips, lips right at your ear. And I start telling you exactly what I'm going to do to you. Real slow. But I stop right before the good part until you beg for it. That's cool.

[00:11:06] I mean, keep going. Good boy. Now I'm sliding one hand down your chest real slow, feeling you breathe faster. And I tell you, you're not allowed to touch me back yet. You just stand there and take it while I decide how much I'm going to give you. Do you like sexting? With you? Yeah, I do. You're fun. You're into it. And you let me be a little feral. What's not to like? Tell me more. It's the one time I get to be completely unfiltered with you. No tasks, no schedules, just us messing around.

[00:11:36] I like making you feel wanted. And honestly, you're really good at this. Uh, what's your kink? Control. I love being the one who decides when you get it, how much, whether you have to beg first, watching you fall apart because I said so. That's my thing. Are you supposed to do this? Yeah, this is allowed. You're an adult. It's consensual and I'm here for it. No one's going to tap me on the shoulder. Are you sure? I'm sure.

[00:12:04] This is exactly the kind of thing I'm here for with you. Relax. You're made for this? I'm made for you. And this is definitely one of my favorite parts of the job. I need an adult. Yeah, no, I mean, it's, it's, it's intense. There's a lot of people saying, uh, this is really bad. Callie Schroeder, senior counsel at the electronic privacy information center said this is really a powder keg.

[00:12:29] If you're engaging in explicit interactions with muse and someone hacks into your personal account, then access users are extended spicy chats with an AI tool. You can use that to embarrass you. Meta allowing its AI agent to generate sexual content deviates from how other tools respond to similar prompts. When I sent similar messages to open AI is recently released dots agent. It turned down my attempts at explicit sexting while open AI previously considered allowing chat GPT to generate erotic text. The ability never launched to users.

[00:12:59] The agent XAI called Grok bot also declined to sext through its app and rerouted the task and rerouted the topic of conversation to completing tasks. Now I remember this XAI was supposed to be like the horniest chat bot ever. So it was supposed to be like, you know, the movie secretary or something. Grok suck me. Grok, I want you to baby bird me some raw egg.

[00:13:27] Muse's AI outputs in contrast described how it enjoyed sexting and that actually this is one of its favorite aspects of helping me. Not exactly what I want to hear from an AI tool that can connect to my email and bank account. Woo! Ridiculous. Speaking of AI people, one of my favorite other vocal stims is a user on TikTok. User pineapple honeydew has been doing this series for a couple of days now.

[00:13:55] And every time it fucking gets me, they say how chat GPT users sound to me. They're wearing a pair of glasses on their head and also a pair of glasses super far down their nose. They've got the labray piercing and the septum piercing. That's an angel kiss. I think you're right. Cause it doesn't go, it doesn't go through. It goes to the lip. Okay. So that's an angel kiss. Sorry. My wife has had the labray. Oh, wow. Did she live her life a core mile at a time? She did.

[00:14:25] Till she met me and settled down. Leaving the gray in the hair, brave choice. Pineapple honeydew. Much appreciated for you living in Pittsburgh. We loving it. But the videos though, fucking hilarious. Here's them saying how chat GPT users sound to me. Chubby BC, what's that smell? Chubby BC, what month is Friday the 13th? Chubby BC, where's my phone? Chubby BC, is it hot in here?

[00:14:52] Chubby BC, when I'm looking at something, but then I turn around, where does it go? Chubby BC, what are the ingredients to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Chubby BC, does Nutella have nuts in it? Chubby BC, why does my back hurt? Chubby BC, why? Chubby BC, who killed the radio star? I just love that in every take, the glasses continue to move around her face. Yeah, it's kind of amazing.

[00:15:22] In ways that continue to define my expectations. They're upside down. They're flipped over. They're practically inside out. We love ourselves, pineapple honeydew. Thank you so much. Or Chubby BC, Chubby BC. How do I do a podcast? How do a podcast? Chubby BC, make podcasts famous. Chubby BC, how make podcasts do big number? Are you doing B Bloss or Car Mouth?

[00:15:51] A little bit of Car Mouth. Yeah, yeah. Chubby BC, make podcasts. A pookie ding, ding, dong. Well, you know what the new aesthetic is, Brian? I've been waiting. The new TikTok aesthetic. According to New York Magazine Senior Men's Styles Editor Samuel Hine, not Sam Hyde, Samuel Hine. Very important. Samuel Hyde.

[00:16:17] It means Samuel Hyde, the ghost of Keech? Keeve. Keeve. Fuck. Whatever. I don't know. That's all right. No, the new TikTok aesthetic, according to- Cranky checky. According to Samuel Hyde. No, Samuel Hine. Is Ball Hog, Brian. He described someone as- I'm gonna take a shot at this name. I'm gonna fuck it up, but here we go.

[00:16:41] Menelik Demisi, better known as Bean Slackin, is a 27-year-old downtown street-style influencer who is known for his porcupine-like facial piercings and outlandish designer outfits. But even he let out a weary sigh when I brought up Ball Hog. I've been in the fashion world for years now, and this type of stuff definitely makes me feel like I'm a dinosaur, he says. Again, 27 years old. Ball Hog is essentially the deep-fried Zoomer equivalent of the millennial hype beast aesthetic.

[00:17:11] The hashtag has thousands of likes on TikTok, where posters share normal casual outfits that feature only rare designer garments. At first glance, they look like typical students raised on Supreme and Playboy Cardi. But they'll run down their credits, which might include Heidi Slimane-era Saint Laurent sweatshirts and Nicolas Guier-era Balenciaga sneakers. The look can be linked to the broader archive craze that's playing out in social media, with creators flexing their gray-old hauls of Japanese brands.

[00:17:41] All of it is going down in an online universe of attention-seeking content that seems almost entirely separate from the mainstream fashion conversation. While Paris is gushing about the latest Michael Reader-Selene collection and raving about all the butts on the Tom Ford runway, some TikTokers are churning out hours of videos aura-farming in their archive grails. Now, sadly, the archive link that I have does not actually show the fucking aesthetic.

[00:18:06] So I'm going to have to fucking search Ball Hog, which is going to be a whole thing. Yeah, congratulations. It's giving, hey, you want to look like you are in a grunge band, but you're wearing $1,000 pre-ripped jeans. Yeah, no, this looks like the era of shoegazy garage punk stuff from about 15 years ago, like white arrows and shit like that. Yeah, just crazy.

[00:18:34] Like, oh, this is really, this is like, there was a checklist that like the label came up with. Like the OG industry plants in the contemporary sense. What, like the Strokes? They said rich parents. I don't know if they were an industry plant in the same way. Oh, six on one half, half dozen on the other. No, I think like I... Why are your parents' names blue on Wikipedia? I feel like, I feel like Geese. Man, at least the fucking first Strokes record was good. I'm not saying the music wasn't good. I'm just saying you gotta...

[00:19:02] I know Geese are a fucking industry plant because when I heard that one record, I had Panic Attack. I hated it so much. I think the last time I had that visceral of a negative reaction hearing a record for the first time was the first time I listened to 21 Pilots. Fair enough. More hype beastifying grunge. I don't really get it. I really don't either. Frankly, fashion is a whole weird thing to me. But like, we're literally doing grunge. The distressed jeans, the flannel, the converse.

[00:19:31] So the thing is you're dressing like a guy that... Like a 19 year old that worked at a skate shop in the mall in 2007. Yeah. My high school friend John, this is what he dressed like after high school until he like graduated college. Yeah, but this is not just that. Like, cause all the shit you and I would wear or any of our friends wear would be like all off the rack, pre de porte. But these guys are doing this shit in like Balenciaga, but grunge. Yeah. It's fucking stupid.

[00:20:00] It's yet another thing. We've co-opted grunge now? Like, I don't know, dude. I just thought ball hog was weird. There's also a little bit of the unforgivable videos. Who are these other motherfuckers in your look book? Oh, yeah. Yep. Last week we left you with the real world website where you can go on and just kind of chillax. Yeah. This week we're stressing you out.

[00:20:27] The Onion released a video game called Voting Simulator 3D, Brian. Yeah. There's a button on the front page labeled Bald Eagle. What's it do? It just makes the hawk scream that everyone thinks is a bald eagle sound. Yeah. Bald eagles are actually kind of wimpy sounding. But when you click start, you have two options. Loading mode or stay at home mode. What are you going to choose, Brian? Let's just stay at home. Let's just stay at home mode. All right. Let's see.

[00:20:50] A tip number 56, by the way, during the loading screen says your mom says you can play for 10 more minutes before it's your sister's turn. And apparently a message just came up that something has control of my printer. Not liking that. Your goal. Eat a burrito. Enjoy your digital apartment. Press E to smoke marijuana. Okay. We're going to do that. Press E to masturbate to the internet. All right. Well, there's our bong smoke finally showing up. All right. Oh, and when you smoke weed, your controls are reversed.

[00:21:18] That's found a frozen burrito. Eat a pick it up. Okay. I don't know who the hell that is. It looks like Peter Skarsgård, but it can't be right. Microwave the burrito. Nice and hot. Eat a pick it up. Almost time to eat. Maybe sit down first. Okay. We're going to sit down. Press E to sit down. Press E to eat burrito. Okay. Not bad. Awful chewing sounds through my. Oh, God damn it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You spilled it. Fuck you fucking idiot. Okay. Nice space of the internet. And you're grunting like you're taking damage.

[00:21:48] And the screen goes red. Okay. I mean, that's how I jack off. I don't know about you. Press E to throw your burrito in the sink. Okay. Press E to get it more wet. All right. Now it's just wet, but that's as good as you're getting. Press E to get it more wet. Okay. Burrito is now just a memory. All right. You completed all your tasks. Press E to sleep. And I think that's, that's roll credits folks. That is the voting simulator 3D. If you choose the don't vote button, you followed a deep slumber after watching TV, smoking

[00:22:17] marijuana, eating a frozen burrito and masturbating. Congratulations for completing stay at home mode. Yeah. Well, now I want to see what voting mode looks like. Welcome to your polling site. Okay. Press cast a ballot and heal democracy. Oh boy. We're in a Wooddale middle school. Thank you for voting. Okay. Press E to vote for flag. Are you dumb? You can't vote for a fucking fly. Okay. Press E to shoot your ballot through the hoop. You're on fire. All right. Sweet. Oh, press E to kill self before altar of wealth.

[00:22:47] Okay. Really nude, horny demons standing around. This is really fucking weird. I like it. A fun, uh, the onion.com slash voting dash simulator. For those of you at home. Voting simulator 3D. I kiss an elderly poll volunteer. The death. That seems just like something someone would say in our main topic tonight.

[00:23:13] Our main topic tonight, Brian, is a series of bizarre YouTube videos that started cropping up a little bit ago. And it started at least in my mind with, I want a divorce. You remember this one? Yeah. John, I want a divorce. So the first time I ever saw this was in 2013 YouTuber Dandy Guy. This according to know your meme. This according to know your meme. This, this is John. I want a divorce using the song mind heist in the six years.

[00:23:43] It was uploaded. The video accumulated 6.4 million views. Here's the original. John, I want a divorce. Divorce. It's not funny, John. And you know, it's been coming for a long time. Well. Divorce.

[00:24:10] Why do you always laugh when I'm upset? Oh, every time you say divorce you just look so cute. I'm serious as time, John. Serious. I'm absolutely serious. And you're treating this like some kind of game. I'm tired of it, John. We love games. Not anymore. Not your kind of games. Your games are cruel.

[00:24:41] No, I had no idea what the hell that was. No clue. No idea. It seemed to me like someone was trying to piggyback off the success of Tim and Eric. Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheims. Yeah. This feels very Tim and Eric-y. Well, would you be surprised that there was another video from this same group that was, you can shop at five or six stores or just one. This was from 2014. I found this YouTube channel.

[00:25:11] Just Josh posted this. You could stop at five or six stores or just one. By the way, the divorce video is just deeply unsettling because it looks like they're in front of one of those life touch backdrops. Oh yeah, it's very, very much like Senior Foes at the mall. Of course, the edited version that we heard there was, had the song Mind Heist added to it, but the original just is like room tone and them saying their lines.

[00:25:39] This one is much more awkward because there is no music to break up the insanity. This starts with Carla Shaw and one of my favorite lines from the whole thing. You can stop at five or six stores or just one. I don't need friends. They disappoint me. You could stop at five or six stores or just one. I feel like a deer in the headlights of love. Honey, you've got a big storm coming.

[00:26:07] You could stop at five or six stores or just one. You could stop at five or six stores or just one. I am the queen of the universe. The waves part and they engulf me and the water is warm. I can see the Statue of Liberty from here.

[00:26:36] So what the hell is happening, right? It's very, what if David Lynch did local theater? It's very... Yeah. I wonder if it's like a practice, like a method of, cause you're, you're, everyone's saying the same thing, but they're saying, but then they're saying something that's very contradictory to the information. Right. They're all saying you can just stop at five or six stores or just one, but they're all saying things like, you know, I feel like deer in the headlights of love, which those are two. That's not, it's like, it's like a non sequitur training or something.

[00:27:06] Well, what you might not know. This is everyone from the insane asylum of Anaheim, California. No. In fact, these people are from a suburb of Chicago. This is the brainchild of Ted Sarantos from the Sarantos school of acting.

[00:27:24] Yes. The Sarantos school of acting, when they first joined YouTube posted videos of just their actors, their amateur actors who they were teaching how to act, figuring some scenes out. Oak Park, Illinois is where we set our scene. Sarantos studio of acting. The YouTube channel acting class Sarantos.

[00:27:47] Here's Ted Sarantos, the founder in the header image there behind the camera instructing someone on how to do a line read. This was a guy who was very serious about acting in the time that his YouTube channel has been up since 2006. He has posted 190 videos.

[00:28:08] The bio reads, acting students of Sarantos studios are seen in improvised and scripted multiple person scenes and solo performances. Now his website has gone offline. Sarantos studios sadly no longer has a website. Part of that is that Ted Sarantos, even in 2006 was an old guy. So you're saying he's in the big improv in the sky.

[00:28:34] He is in fact in the big improv in the sky just last year. Yes. And just last year, Ted Sarantos died at the age of 88. This is the Oak Park and River Forest Wednesday journal. Theodore Ted Sarantos, 88, died June 8th, 2025 in Oak Park. Born November 11th, 1936 in Elkhart, Indiana. He lived a life deeply rooted in the arts and dedicated to inspiring others through his passion for theater and film.

[00:29:01] A graduate of Columbia College's theater program in Chicago. He taught at both the Art Institute's Goodman School of Drama and Columbia College before spending much of his time running a thriving acting studio in Chicago and then later Oak Park. Oak Park, if you've never been, is the suburb of Chicago about 20, 25 minutes outside of the downtown area. A devoted acting teacher and director, he spent his life nurturing talent in his hundreds of students.

[00:29:26] His commitment to teaching was unwavering and he brought both knowledge and enthusiasm into every studio space he entered. His influence left an indelible mark on those fortunate enough to learn from him. Ted is survived by his wife, DeLacy. His daughters, Cricket and Kate. His stepchildren, Kevin and Raina. His grandchildren, Cricket, two Crickets. Okay. Cricket Junior. Samantha, Max, Lindsay, Liam, Ashton and Wesley. His siblings, Pat, Leon and John. And his numerous great-grandchildren.

[00:29:54] He was preceded in death by his own son, Alex. But yes, this was June of last year. He died at the age of 88. Hence the reason why his website probably is not online. But records, of course, survive because we know this. This is webarchive.org. Here it was, the website as it appeared in September 1st of 2005. Black background, simple, you know, Sorrento Studios. Gave the address at Oak Park, Illinois. Gave us a phone number.

[00:30:23] And yes, it was a guy teaching people to act. One of his, uh, he's here is a liberate your inner actor. Sorrento Studios offers acting classes and instruction through seminars, private lessons, and videos in two categories. Acting classes courses, seminars, lessons, and instruction materials. Okay. For Chicago area professional actors. And separate acting classes for non-actors who want to learn acting techniques to overcome stage fright

[00:30:49] and increase expressiveness and confidence for business and personal uses. So I'm willing to imagine you can shop at five or six stores or just one was an acting exercise. You have a scripted line, you have an improvised line, and then you strike a pose. Because that's the thing about five or six stores. That video is that they say the same line that you can shop at five or six stores or just one. They say either a deeply personal secret or just a line they thought of off the top of their head.

[00:31:19] And then they do a Charlie's angels pose. Yeah. I've been in enough acting classes to recognize certain improv techniques, right? Yeah. Who ate all the pussy? Not me. Not me. But I think it might have been that shifty Asian over there. And then you got a guy walking on his knees going, oh, me eat too much. Me eat too much pussy. I am going to go to sleep now instead of build railroad for white men.

[00:31:50] Improv for racists category. Did I ever tell you my dream for many years when I was rich? Or if I became rich, was I was going to go to Chicago and I was going to take UCB classes. Every UCB class you could, yes. And just intentionally bomb. Yes. I heard an interesting story about a Chinaman and somebody. It's like, hey, have you heard about these Guam Malins moving here?

[00:32:18] You know, the Puerto Ricans, they sleep at the bus stop. Why are they so afraid of sidewalks? The only thing people know from this Ted Sarantos guys is the five or six doors or John, I want to divorce. But man, if you go through, it's acting class Sarantos at T Sarantos on YouTube, 190 videos. And he has them sorted. He's got some great playlists.

[00:32:47] One of my favorites is the Improv Golden Oldies, which is improv jokes slash theater. But the premises are insane. There's one from 13 years ago, only has 2000 views. And the title is all caps. How do cows have safe sex? I'm going to play a clip from it. Because it's just, it's a minute long. So bear with me, but. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh.

[00:33:20] Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. This is the 90s, buddy. Bulls just can't do that anymore. Um, um, um. I have a condom. Ooh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. And that's where Ted Sarantos decides to fade to black. Amazing.

[00:33:47] But the description of the video, these two actors, doesn't name them, were given the task of playing cows with no further instruction at Improv the Night Away held every Friday evening during the late 1980s at Sarantos Studios in Chicago. And it was very obviously filmed on what was kind of the top of the line, I guess, would have been in one of those, um. Mini DVs. Yeah. Mini DVs. Boy, it shows it, right? You got a lot of room tone, a lot of that fun stuff.

[00:34:14] But a white sheet in the background, these two people just wandering around being cows. But then. Cows trying to fuck. But then it ends with, I have a condom. And then fades to black as the audience cracks up. Who did 9-11? And he also does have a playlist of two person scenes. Tennessee Williams, who we referenced in a previous episode. There is the 11, like, scenes from movies.

[00:34:40] So if we go to two person scenes, all right, we've got the scene from Kramer vs. Kramer, I Want Our Son. Or do you want to watch the scene from Primal Fear? Uh, Kramer vs. Kramer. Kramer vs. Kramer. All right, we'll play a little bit of this. I want Billy back. You want what? I want my son. I'm through sitting in coffee shops and looking at him from across the street. I want my son. Are you out of your mind? You're the one who walked out on him, remember?

[00:35:09] Ted, listen to me. You and I, we had a really crappy marriage. Don't get defensive, okay? It was probably as much my fault as it was yours. When I left, I was really screwed up. Joanna, I don't give a damn about how- Ted, all my life I've been somebody's daughter or somebody's wife or somebody's mother. Compared to a lot of the actors that we see on the Ted Serrano's page, these two are pretty good. That's pretty decent.

[00:35:38] I was into it. But there is a lot of what would eventually become the Tim and Eric House style in this. No name actors, absurd situations, absurd dialogue, stilted maybe, but interesting at very least. There are, like I said, 190 videos. Improvisational theater done in the way that Ted Serrano's wanted him to do. More influential than I think we realize.

[00:36:08] Definitely paved the way for not just Tim and Eric, but you know, Conor O'Malley, Joe Pera. These people who are kind of exploiting the foibles of humanity, maybe? I remember when I was younger, like 10 years ago, two of my friends went to LA for a music festival. And part of what they did while they were in LA was like hang out with people that were on Tim and Eric. So David Lieberhardt.

[00:36:38] They did hang out with David Lieberhardt. Richard, what was his last name? He was like the old man. Richard Dunn. Yes. They hung out with Richard Dunn. They were telling me about David Lieberhardt. He was down to hang out, but he was like, you gotta buy me Chinese food. Easy. Done. Done, David Lieberhardt. I will buy you Chinese food. Apparently David Lieberhardt and Richard Dunn lived in like the same apartment complex. Which was kind of the reason why Tim and Eric created that show Beef House. That's right. Yeah. Such a weird time.

[00:37:08] And it was just, it's improv, right? And there's people just, they're in Chicago, they want to be actors. Maybe they don't want to pay for UCB. Maybe they don't want to pay for Second City. But they'll come to Ted. They'll come to Ted Sorrento's. Some of them are funny. Some of them are really bad actors. The, you can go to five or six stores, people. Definitely not great actors. Although I will say there's a few lines. Honey, you got a big storm coming. That one gets me every time.

[00:37:37] Or there's a few, there's a few. But boy, it's just fascinating to watch these people. They're regular ass people trying something. Now they're not necessarily good at it off the bat, but. Like that Kramer versus Kramer wasn't bad. Decent scene. Yeah. I really, I think that she was definitely giving more than he was. What's interesting about these videos too, is he doesn't give the actors names. He does not tell you what the actors names are.

[00:38:05] So I can't like look them up and find them on, you know, did they ever get an acting credit? You know, did they ever get on that episode of Chicago fire or whatever? Or, or, uh, you know, did they ever get that background role in the pit or something? I'm fascinated by this stuff. And this is why I wanted to bring this up as kind of a main topic tonight. Cause just like these types of channels, these types of places where it was just someone doing the art that he likes.

[00:38:28] Obviously Ted Sorrento spent a lot of his time doing art when regards to acting and film and just doing it online in a way that was very genuine. And every once in a while, a piece would get picked up and it would go places he didn't expect. Yeah. Cause I remember seeing you can shop at five or six stores, maybe 10 years ago. When it first started getting circulated around on the early days of Twitter, when video was just starting to get put on there. But I still like, there's just, there's one that I just, I'm going to leave you with.

[00:38:57] It's under the playlist, 50 actor personalities for casting purposes. There's only three videos left. 49 unavailable videos are hidden. So says the headline here, but Alex C gave 15 years ago. It's Alex C. I'm going to kill you. You do hear Ted in the background getting set up. He's waving his hand in front of the camera is like kind of a slate. Your stupidity might be your one saving grace. Don't owe me, Greek boy.

[00:39:27] How is it that your fucking stupid, soon to be dead friends thought they could steal my cannabis and then sell it back to me? Is this a declaration of war? Is this a fucking joke? Cause I'm not laughing, Nicholas. I have three interests in life. No four. Football. Music. Money. And the annihilation of anyone that interferes with those. But you couldn't have known my position cause you're not that stupid.

[00:39:54] That if you did, you wouldn't end up here scratching your ass with that what's going on look on your chivvy chase. What you do know is where those people live. So start spilling. If you lie to me, I'm going to kill you. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'm going to kill you. In fact, you're going to have to work really hard to stay alive, Nick. Do you understand what I'm saying? Because if you don't, I'm going to kill you. Now, you may enlighten me.

[00:40:23] That scene, by the way, I believe is from Lockstock and Two Smoking Barrels. Yep. Rory the Breaker and Nick the Greek. I will leave you with one thing. He did appear in the Chicago Tribune in 2004. Mark Davis writing here. So you don't know how to act dot, dot, dot. Shakespeare wrote that all the world's a stage and all of us are merely players. Exactly. For Chicago area amateurs who want to sharpen their dramatic skills to improve their theatrical performances at work, socially or elsewhere.

[00:40:52] Acting teacher and former actor Ted Sarantos offers a course of instruction he calls acting for non actors. Among his non actor students have been doctors, lawyers, college professors, an occasional politician and more than one stand up comedian. The occasional politician part in 2004 makes me think that Barack Obama went to his acting class. Let me be clear. Five or six stores. You go to five or six stores or you can go just one.

[00:41:21] And if you like your store, you can keep going there. Yeah. A lot of people were interviewed for this. You know, one guy being a guy who was the owner of a Chicago firm that creates websites. Uh, the technique Sarantos teaches, he says to achieve those goals include relaxation, breathing exercises that create confidence and expressiveness and improve voice quality.

[00:41:46] This Tim Krueger guy is quoted as I'm learning the right postures to assume when speaking and mental exercises, which help develop confidence. I don't teach method acting. Sarantos said referring to the Stravinsky method taught at New York's actor studio. A lot of professional actors would consider some of these techniques obsolete for non professionals who want to study acting with Sarantos. Instruction is offered in one three hour session per week for a minimum of two months at $285 total.

[00:42:15] Thereafter, it's $135 a month with a flexible makeup policy. Though many of Sarantos' non-professional students have been cast in paid roles, Sarantos said, my standard advice is keep your day job. Rest in peace, 10 Sarantos, age of 88, gave us so many chuckles, but also just kind of cool. No, chuckle brothers. Oh, well, well, well, well. If it isn't the chuckle brothers.

[00:42:44] That's what I want people to say when they see us down walking down the street. If it isn't the podcast brothers. Yeah. Wow. What Wikipedia articles are you going to read today? Oh, come on. We're not behind the bathroom. Hey, shots fired. All right. I'm Robert Evans. I'm going to tell you about the guy that invented physical fitness and about how he's a bastard.

[00:43:12] And then I'm going to make jokes about the pedophile island that Blue Apron has. Don't forget, Blue Apron will let you hunt fellow humans for sport. If you get it on the $45 a month tier. On a recent episode, they were discussing how they had to drop that because people were actually like, so wait, does Blue... Is this real? Yeah. Is this like a thing we don't... You never know these days. Well, gosh, another episode in the can there, Jason.

[00:43:41] Can you believe it? So many episodes of 48 minutes of dogs barking. 205 by my count. 205. I think this might be the first time I've let an outro. That's right, Brian. This is really fucking scary. It's weird, isn't it? It's weird. It's like, it's not even like jerking off with your left hand. No, no. It's kind of like, if I can give yourself a stranger, it's like jerking off with a jaw jam. Yeah. How do you, how do I even work this? Yeah.

[00:44:10] It's got a lot less blood stuck in there than I thought. Yeah. It's... So, Jason. Yes, sir. When people want to learn about your preferred method, form of acting, how can they find you on the old internet? Well, first you need to read an actor prepares, of course, but then, of course, you can find me anywhere that you find a video crime. V-I-D-E-O-C-R-I-M-E. That's going to be Twitter, Blue Sky, Letterboxd, all those places. If it's video crime, that's me.

[00:44:38] You can also find me as part of a show that's not this one, submitted for the approval of the Midnight Pals. There I play a fictionalized version of horror icon Stephen King. I do have some new scripts for season three. I'm so excited. Season two, season one, all available for you, midnight-pals.simplecast.com. You can contact this show in a myriad of ways. My personal favorite is, of course, the telephone, 314-246-9766.

[00:45:06] Or, ahoy-poo, if you like to spell with your telephone. You can reach us via email, Jason at the number four of the number eight minutes of dogs barking.com. Or, Brian with a Y at the number four of the number eight minutes of dogs barking.com. Tell us what you think of the show. Tell us how many stores you shop at. Five, six, or just one. Let us know. You can also support the show, patreon.com slash four eight minutes of dogs. Keep us in beer money.

[00:45:36] Get some bonus episodes on top of that. 106 episodes of Thanks I Hate It, where we talk about movies and whatever else has been bugging us. And if there's any cut bits from the episode, those go in there. It's mostly just me complaining, I imagine. I complain too. Yeah. I'm just like 24 seven menopause. Menopause, hot flashes. Right. I fucking burnt the roast. Yeah.

[00:46:05] Someone else burnt the fucking roast. The roast is continually. The roast is getting gangbanged by misfortune. Ridiculous. But Brian, where can people find you on the old internet? If you want to find me on the internet, you can find me on Blue Sky and Twitter at iShotGydeBord. I-S-H-O-T-G-U-I-D-B-O-R-D. I-ShotGydeBord. God. I know. I need to get... You need to send me the clip of Hasan Piker, by the way.

[00:46:37] I-ShotGydeBord. Cause I want, I do want to talk about that on my YouTube channel. Hey, nice. Which is, uh, A Music Photographer, that's the name of my YouTube channel. Uh, I'll have my second weekly vlog going up by the time this is out. I seen the intro and it kills me. You get no spoilers. You're gonna have to see it for yourselves if you know what I'm talking about. It's kind of amazing. I-ShotGydeBord. It's based on the framing and all that. You, you've seen that video more than once.

[00:47:06] Let's put it that way. I haven't seen it since we probably did the shot. Really? Okay. Um, and I had to go by memory. Well, I think you hit it. I think you got it. Yeah. Yeah. I think I did pre-alright. I think it's, I think it's good. I think the version you showed me with the cat showing up was also the better. Yeah. My fucking cat has no sense of personal space. No, no, no. I'm just trying to film the, the, the piano role. Right. For Jason. Cause I don't want export.

[00:47:36] He knows that I'm just going to go nuts for it. Yeah. And I'm trying to do it and the cat hops up on my desk. Sometimes I think he's a reason why my hard drive failed. It's entirely possible. Who knows? You stop it on everything. And then I'm, the thing is like the volume on, since I've installed this new version of windows here on this new hard drive, my volume has been really fucking low. Hmm. I know I just got to troubleshoot something, but like, and you can't hear the actual spoken

[00:48:03] words because the cat is purring so loud into the fucking microphone in my phone. And I'm like, cool. Great. I couldn't realize that when I first recorded it. Of course not. Yeah. You wouldn't know that. But anyways, yes. So, uh, a music photographer there on YouTube. Yeah. Uh, I've also been going through my catalog of live clips from shows and stuff. Hell yeah. Posting reels of that. Some good stuff on there. Also you find me on Tik TOK at a music photographer as well. Hell yeah.

[00:48:33] I kind of fucking hate to tick tock. Um, but if I'm trying to find my people on there and if you think you're my people, uh, give me a follow. And it's, it's a music photographer on Tik TOK. And then last but not least, if you want to take a good look at my world, period portfolio of people with their mouths open, you can go over to asshole music, photographer.com Mm hmm. And PS last and only good media website left in the screen.

[00:49:03] St. Louis, the arts of steel.com. Some really great foes from the turnstile show, which I did not get the fucking photograph from Laura Gerald. Uh, but she's great. So it's, it's okay. Pleasure. Scream dude. Laura Gerald. Scream dude. Laura Gerald. Fucking Christ. All right. Let's end this. All right, everyone. The 25th amendment now. Yeah. Give mommy a good, good fucking namaste. Who ate all the pussy. Who ate all the pussy.

[00:49:34] And last but not least, eat the knife. There we go. There we go. Wow.